xo

when the wind blows i know that love is real. when strangers ask me how i am i know that love is real. When my mother buys me bananas without me asking her for them at all, i know that love is real. i do not want to explain myself.
Do you think that trees get sad when they see sticks on the ground, knowing that their own little pieces are lying about, all broken and small? Pieces.peaces.
today my heart broke and i know that love is real. I’ve heard it said that all moments exist in this one and i am begging the Lord for that to be false because i need another day
to not look like this one.
What is enough? why isn’t it a sin to say goodbye?
and i know the kingdom aches to see me cry, but my heart is making rain   because things won’t be the same.
It is clockwork how clocks work- telling us everything we would rather not know. Damn the clocks for telling us when it is always time to go.
Do clocks go to heaven? I hope not.
it is always time to go.
i let some seasons foster sorrow-but today i cried next to a tree- and the sun broke through the leaves. and the light touched my face, and i smiled, the light went into my face and the light became a part of me.
sometimes children are sad and free.

Words. I have a lot and you have a little but i will share and if words were food, i would make certain, that you were never ever hungry.
words are food.
If the word “stay” was a food it would be an exotic seed or nut found only in dense uncharted forests because it exists indefinitely but it is rare and hard to believe in sometimes.
sometimes you can feel in your bones
what tomorrow holds.
and damn those bones for not speaking,
but thank you bones,
because though sometimes you feel empty,
you’re really always whole.

Searching for Heritage

i think that there is more to life than figuring out who we are and i think that it is in the subtlest, secretest instances of life and love where we truly discover and come to know ourselves.

καιρός

God has compassion on our humanness because he understands because we are his. there is a difference between rest and control. we do not have to wait until tomorrow with god because he is beyond space and time. seeking deliverance in somedays breeds chains because we don't have to wait to be free, we are free today. it is natural to want to solve problems but we don't have to. we tend to think if we don't get everything right we are failing to fulfill our role and purpose. but really our role in the story is to trust God. do not fear the mountains looming ahead because God has never taken his gaze off of you. and let him show you every single step as they come. the heart of the father is that we all be fed, that we all be full. But not for us to follow him just to receive. trusting in yourself leads to a crooked, broken life. trusting in the Lord is fullness. john 6:27. Don't pour your energy into seeking things of this world. we are of another kingdom. seek that one while physically present in this one. Grasp that you are a child of god. Our real true bursting lives are hidden within God. the reality of the cross is that Jesus fulfilled the law and it died with him. When we fall jesus says,"that's not who you are, you are my daughter, get up". talitha kum. we need to get better at saying "Yes, God." expect God's goodness. we are not in lack. everything about jesus wants you to love god.
Be occupied in believing.

Without you i would never Rise,again

longing has it's reasons.
Summer is dear to me because I identify with its ways
i was created to reveal to others the freedom, warmth, and abundance of Christ.
summer also reveals to us freedom, warmth, and abundance; all of which, in their rawest forms, are direct characteristics of love as it comes and does with Christ.
summer gives us a taste of eternity.

Found children are, in a sense, summer's own.
we carry light that comes from the same source as summer's light.

I long for summer because
i long to be understood.
i long to be awakened
i long to be full
and dont we all,,

Our souls share pieces with that of summer's song.
summer's salvation.
light to light, life
it lives
light gives.

December baby

sister don't believe yourself that way
because trust me one sweet day you will find your crown again.
dont let yourself
wear so thin
you are so wanted.
but unless you rise
you will not begin.
and i know you are awake but you like to pretend
to be asleep in hopes that maybe soon
you'll convince yourself
that nothing lies ahead.
but baby you have this anchor of hope
that will not leave you
sitting dead.
don't want to be dead
dont believe yourself that way

lost and found and don't look down

the future is untouchable because once we arrive to it, it will no longer be the future. it will be the present. it will be a present. so why do we invite the future to wrap its hands around our wrists, making us its puppets, hating it letting it begging it wanting it. affair.
i have been learning that we grow when we're not looking. and our thoughts do not always only bounce, some days they build houses or walls or bridges and do we decide which? some days i think we do.
once again i will say
how beautiful this all is.
a what a gift, what a fragile place, to be in love with the sheer notion of
living.
and i think of how much has changed and how much has been lost and found and i know in my bones that i wouldn't have it any other way.
and realising that if one man had not looked at one woman in that one corner of the world on that one day, they would have never had a child and that child would have never grown older and never met another grown child, and those two grown children would have never fallen into life together and they would have never had a you.
damn.

if you are too afraid to change the world, you never will.

a sister of mine told me saturday that changing one life is changing the world. and that i have done it and she has and that we were together right in that moment.
something enchanting to me about talking around a kitchen table with beautiful humans who are no longer orphans and who know that. 
it's an underground railroad type of living that we do, where we love so much that it may be a secret because we do not know any words to articulate
the depths.
something enchanting about going home and understanding that you never truly left. because pieces of everywhere you have been and everyone you have loved linger like jewel dust on your skin and scent. and those places and people carry in them, pieces, of, you.
good thing you are so much.

Harvest

sometimes i treat god like a dusty overdue library book. yeah what a great read, i feel better now, i'll put it away since i'm done and deal with that later.find it in the closet, look over it some more, and then become thoroughly distracted by life and things.
sometimes i treat God like santa claus on christmas eve. 'God, i am going to sleep now, please when i wake up make everything i want be the way i want it to be and maybe with snow thanks.'
wake up, stand up, brush up, grow up. born and off to the races.
this is a fragile age and often a fear stirs in me that perhaps i will be just awful at being 18 or 25 or 50 or older, and that here and now it as good as it will ever get, but haven't we all thought that before?
and looking back, can we travel to peace by the understanding that everything that has been has led to what is now and everything about today is going to lead to an abundance of somedays and that Cannot embitter us because we have no reason to believe that those somedays hold anything but glory.

peace drops like a bomb every once again, just going about my business and then this remarkably powerful thing falls from nowhere and everything is different because of it.



thinking of storing this golden autumn air in some jars. we are breathing time capsules.